The More You Ignore Me by Jo Brand

Author:Jo Brand
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: For the Benefit of Mr. Kite
Published: 2008-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

Fifteen

“What did you do today, love?” said Keith.

“Oh, just messed around at home,” said Alice.

“I went to Hereford,” said Gina from her usual position in the corner.

Oh shit, thought Alice. She’s going to land me right in it.

“Yes, love,” said Keith, not really even registering what she had said, so accustomed was he to her pronouncements having all the authenticity of a cheap romantic novel.

Alice now had to work out how she was going to square things with Marie Henty who, she had realised over the years, was probably a bit in love with her dad. Little glances, slight breathlessness, redness of cheeks and an overwillingness to help out at any time of day or night were the symptoms she had diagnosed in the awkward GP.

Of course, as soon as there was a whiff of anything to do with Keith, it was likely Marie would insist on talking to him directly, in the vain hope that something might happen between them. Keith, in all his unashamed blissful naivety, hadn’t got a clue, even after all this time, that Marie Henty had an unrelenting crush on him. He just thought she was a bit weird. Alice had picked it up when she was quite young, in an instinctive female way, and had immediately felt protective towards her dad. It was not that she couldn’t understand that he might want to look elsewhere for some love and comfort, she just could not help feeling censorious towards those potential feelings because Gina, after all, was still her mother.

Alice decided on the tack she was going to take with Marie Henty, which, if it paid off, would work like a dream and if it didn’t would land her well and truly in trouble.

♦

The following morning found her sitting in the little surgery, flanked by two elderly ladies who had what sounded like exactly the same cough. She flicked through the dog-eared copies of The Lady, fantasising about being a nanny to some family who lived half the year in America and travelled round the world for the rest, although she suspected the reality might be tiredness and irritation with a bunch of precocious little poltergeists and their equally precocious parents.

“Alice, what a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you?” said Marie Henty.

“Well, it’s what I can do for you that is probably more important,” said Alice, immediately grabbing back the elevated position in their duet.

“What do you mean?” said Marie Henty, intrigued and wondering against hope if Alice was going to offer somehow to get rid of Wobbly and Bighead.

“Let’s not beat about the bush,” said Alice, “and I don’t want to embarrass you, but you really like my dad, don’t you?”

Marie Henty was so shocked by this statement, rocketing as it did from beneath the big comfortable blanket of social convention, that her central nervous system nearly forgot to make her blush. But blush she did, as she wrestled with an appropriate and professional answer with which to counter this ever surprising eighteen-year-old’s inquiry.

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